I’m going to be really honest with you.
I just don’t care about shopping for clothes.
Not for myself, anyway. When I do, I normally spend my money on bright colors, one hundred percent cotton or denim. I rarely buy shoes either, unless they are flip-flops. I don’t know why, I just don’t. I never have. Every prom dress I ever wore came from one of two places: Off the rack at Ross or from someone else’s closet.
My sister buys a new outfit for just about everything she does. Every party she’s invited to, every wedding she attends, every time she has somewhere to be, she goes shopping. You will be hard pressed to find her in the same outfit twice. I don’t get it. Not that I care that she buys a new dress every other month, I just can’t justify it. Maybe because I’m cheap, maybe because I have three kids, maybe because I’d rather spend my money on K-cups and e-books.
Maybe because I just don’t care. Clothes just don’t do it for me like they do other people.
And that’s okay.
My beautiful family of five went to Napa for a wedding this last weekend. Brodie, who was the ring bearer, was dressed to the nines. Elizabeth had a brand new dress in her closet that was a gift for her first birthday. Logan wore a pair of jeans and a new dress shirt and tie. Jeremy wore slacks he already owned and a shirt and tie I bought him a few years ago, tags still attached.
I picked everyone’s outfit on Friday before we left out of town for a Sunday wedding. That’s how clothes crazy I am.
Well, I hadn’t planned on buying anything at all. I had a ton of dresses in my closet that were perfectly fine. They all fit. They were all cute. They were all already paid for. But, when I went to Wal-Mart on Friday to buy Jeremy some new undershirts and Elizabeth some socks, I decided to look around the women’s department a little.
I like Wal-Mart. Most of my tanks come from Wal-Mart. My bathing suits, my flip-flops, my t-shirts. A few years ago, I bought a super cute, hot pink t-shirt from Wal-mart. I was wearing it when my sister came over one day. She said to me, ‘That’s a really cute shirt! Where did you get it?’ to which I replied, ‘Wal-mart.”
To which she replied, ‘Never mind, it’s not that cute anymore.’
My sister is a good kid, she really is. She’s a good wife, a good mother. She’s a lot of fun at a party and can tell the most outrageous dirty jokes you’ve ever heard. She’s always been good to my kids and I love her more than a fat kid loves cake but, the truth is, she’s a snob. She always has been. I remember going shopping with her for prom dresses when she was in high school and I honest to God needed a Xanax to get through the whole thing.
Anyway, I was in the women’s department at Wal-mart looking around. I saw a clearance rack full of maxi dresses in bright colors and one hundred percent cotton that I was immediately drawn to. Bright colored cotton is my love-language. The dresses were all cute but, nothing I couldn’t live without, nothing I wanted to wear to a wedding.
Then, in the very back, I saw an adorable little black number in a size 7. It was the only one and it didn’t have a tag. I took it to try it on and it took me 3.5 seconds to decide I wanted it. I liked the way it looked. I liked the way it felt. I liked the way I felt in it. I asked the fitting room lady to scan the UPC and tell me how much it was.
‘It’s five dollars,” she said.
I mean, really? It’s cotton. It’s cute. It fits me perfectly. And it’s FIVE DOLLARS?
I was so buying this dress and wearing it to my uncle’s wedding. I even had a super cute pair of red, Kenneth Cole Reactions that I bought three years ago at Ross that would go perfectly with it.
I came home and tried it on again for Jeremy, super excited about my five dollar buy.
He told me I was hot and tried to make out with me.
That night, when I got home from work, I went next door to my parent’s house to shoot the shit for awhile. I told Roxy, ‘Listen. If my sister asks me where I got my dress for the wedding, I’m just going to say I ordered it, okay? I don’t need to hear her shit.’ Roxy thought maybe I was over exaggerating about my sister’s snobbery, but laughed any way and promised to go along with my lie. My dad laughed because things like dress lies and my sister’s snobbery are oh-so-very-funny to him. He cares about clothes about as much as I do.
Skip to Saturday night…
We were in Napa. Roxy, my sister, my sister-in-law, Meganne, and I were all hanging out in Roxy and Rachelle’s hotel room after everyone else had gone to sleep. My sister realized she had forgotten the shoes she wanted to wear to the wedding and was utterly irritated, calling her husband and telling him it was all his fault for not reminding her to get them from the car. Meganne, Roxy and I told her there was a Wal-mart down the street if she wanted to go buy a new pair.
My sister said, and I quote: ‘UGH! I’m NOT shopping at Wal-mart. Who do you think I am?!?!”
I laughed out loud. Roxy laughed, too. Meganne looked completely offended and made a sort of, ‘are you kidding me?!’ look. My sister laughed thinking, I’m sure, that we thought she was funny. The truth was I was laughing because Roxy was laughing…and realizing I was totally right!!
This is why we lie to my sister about things.
Anyway, I wore the five dollar dress to the wedding. I felt like a million bucks. I got more than one compliment. I had a great time.
My dad said, ‘You look really good. You make that dress look really good. Where did you buy it?’
‘I ordered it.’ I told him. He just sort of smiled. ‘You know exactly where I bought this dress, Dad.’ I said.
‘I know,’ he said, ‘it doesn’t matter. You look really, really nice.’
My sister told me I looked hot and that I didn’t look like I had three kids. She didn’t ask where I got the dress. I didn’t have to lie.
She’ll probably read this blog, though. And now she’ll know. She’ll know that her big sister, mother to two of her nephews and her adorable little niece, wore a five dollar Wal-mart dress to their uncle’s wedding. She’ll know that she had to be seen with someone at a wedding wearing a five dollar dress from Wal-mart. She’ll probably be mortified.
Sorry, Little Sister. I just don’t care that much about clothes. I know you do, and I love you anyway but, seriously, STOP being such a snob!
I was pretty happy with my five dollar Wal-mart dress and my three year old shoes. I ended up with some great pictures, some great memories and a new dress that cost me less than a pack of cigarettes…
Happy Thursday, friends.
go. do. be.